


The Words Before Goodbye (Destiel One-Shot)

by Fangirling_FTW



Series: Destiel One-Shots [22]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 13x23, Angst, Canon Compliant, Fanfic gap, Let the Good Times Roll, M/M, Seriously why didn’t they show what happened, Spoilers, episode coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-13 23:57:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14758727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirling_FTW/pseuds/Fangirling_FTW
Summary: Dean says goodbye to Cas before he says Yes.





	The Words Before Goodbye (Destiel One-Shot)

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry guys...

_ This isn’t happening, it can’t be happening _ .  

They were so  _ close,  _ Michael was down and out of the fight and Jack could easily do the same to Lucifer, but it never was that easy, was it?  Not when it came to Lucifer and all the baggage he’d laid on Dean’s family for  _ years _ .  Jack hesitated, not that Dean blamed him.  He was the kid’s dad after all, and Jack didn’t know better than to let Lucifer talk, to stall for time as he figured out a plan B.  Before any of them could do anything it was too late, the blade slashed Jack’s throat, Sam was shouting and then- then they were just  _ gone.   _ Which left Dean and Cas alone with a bleeding archangel and no fucking idea what to do next.  

“How do we stop him?”  Cas’ voice is commanding, but Michael is less than impressed.  

“You don’t.”  Michael’s voice is resigned, accepting of their defeat.  It fills Dean with dread. “After consuming the nephilim’s grace, Lucifer’s juiced up.  He’s supercharged.” The words are matter of fact, like it’s obvious that there’s nothing to be done.  Dean can feel Cas behind him, the same frustration coming off him that Dean is feeling.

_ There’s always something.   _ Dean’s frantically running though everything he’s got in the bunker, trying to figure out if there’s  _ anything  _ that could get them to Sam and Jack before Lucifer...

“He’ll kill the boy,” Michael continues, like he’s reading Dean’s mind, rubbing salt in the metaphorical wound, “your brother.  Hell, he could end the whole universe if he put his mind to it. And you thought I was bad.” The ghost of a laugh in his voice reminds Dean of what he’d seen in the apocalypse world, of Michael beating Lucifer to the ground like it was nothing.

“No, no you beat him!  I saw you!” Dean’s voice builds into a shout, willing the words to be true.

“When he was weaker, and I was stronger.”  Michael’s words cut, worse than any actual blade could.  “Believe me, I’d love to rip my brother apart. But now in this banged up meatsuit-“ Michael has to pause to cough, and Dean can hear the gurgle of blood in his lungs.  “...not happening. This is the end, of everything.”

Oh.

_ Meatsuit. _

That would do it, that might fix all their problems.  Dean’s amazed at how quickly his panic disappears as resignation takes its place.  It’s simple, one word and everything would be over, but the implications have his stomach in knots.

_ Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up—here. _

Dean already knew this would happen one day, he’d just refused to believe it.  Yet here he was, just like Lucifer had said while wearing Sam’s face. They’d ended one apocalypse, only to be faced with another, and Dean was once again staring down the same decision.

“No.”  Dean can feel the eyes of both angels on him when he finally speaks.  “What if- what if you had your sword?” He’s glad he can’t see Cas’ face right now, he can practically feel the fear and anxiety rolling off of him.  After all, keeping Dean from making this choice was what made Cas fall in the first place, and now after all these years Dean was considering doing it anyway.  Guilt worms its way into his chest alongside the anxiety, and Dean is sure he’s never felt more awful in his life.

“Dean, no.”

“I am your sword.”  It’s hard, but Dean pushes on, trying to ignore the panic in Cas’ voice, trying to ignore the part of him screaming in agreement with the angel.  “Your perfect vessel. With me you’d be stronger than you’ve ever been.”

“Oh, I know what you are.”  Michael just watches him, his face unreadable.

“If we work together, can we beat Lucifer?”  Dean knows he’s desperate, he can hear it leaking into his voice in spite of himself, but he swallows down the fear.

“Dean-“ Cas is pleading, and Dean has to close his eyes briefly at the sound of his voice, cutting like a knife to Dean’s heart.

“Can we?!”  Michael considers him carefully, eyes calculating as his head tilts to the side.

“We’d have a chance.”

_ A chance.   _ He’s about to risk everything he’d promised himself he’d never risk, just on the  _ chance  _ he could beat Lucifer.  Even for a Winchester these were long odds, but at this point it’s the only option Dean has that can get him to Sam and Jack fast enough, any other sort of delay would make him too late.

“Dean, you can’t!”  There’s anger in Cas’ voice now, and Dean forces himself to look back at him, not even trying to hide what he’s feeling.  Cas would see right through it anyway.

“Lucifer has Sam.  He has Jack! Cas, I don’t have a choice!!” Dean’s voice cracks as Cas’ eyes turn fearful, seeing in Dean’s eyes that his mind is already made up.  He turns away, hardening his expression as he faces Michael again. He knows what he’s about to demand is borderline ridiculous, but he’s gotta try anyway- team ‘free will’ and all that.  “If we do this it’s a one time deal. I’m in charge. You’re the engine, but I’m behind the wheel. Understand?”

Michael is silent for a beat, eyes focused on Dean’s.  It takes everything he has but he manages not to look away.  Eventually Michael smirks, a subtle quirk of his lips.

”Deal.”  He starts to cough again, blood splattering against the floor as he falls to the left and staggers to the nearest chair, the wet wheeze of his breath as he collapses painfully loud in the room.  Dean drops his chin to his chest, just trying to  _ breathe _ as the weight of this starts to settle on his shoulders.  

“Dean-“

“There’s no time, Cas.”  Dean jerks his head to the side, cutting off Cas’ plea before he has to hear it.  Dean glances around the map room to try and keep his emotions in check, trying not to wonder if this is the last time he’ll see it with his own eyes.  A memory suddenly crashes into him, like a wave at the beach, threatening to knock him off his feet. 

_ Dean, Cas, and Sam sitting around the map, each of them sipping a beer, Dean meeting Cas’ eyes as their knees accidentally brush under the table and Cas almost smiling... _

“You are Michael’s perfect vessel, in every way,” Cas says quietly, stepping up so he’s right behind him.  “Revoking permission from him will be…”

“I know,” Dean says quietly, the weight of that knowledge already heavy on his shoulders.  He doesn’t need Cas’ warning- he knows Michael won’t let him go, especially not willingly. He turns and looks at Cas, the two of them inches apart as Dean’s eyes trace the lines on his face, logging each one into memory.  At first Dean hadn’t understood why Cas was letting his vessel age, but now, it was comforting in a bizarre way to look at him and see all the time they’d spent together.

“Dean...”  Cas’ voice is strained, more desperate than Dean’s ever heard it.  No… not the most desperate...

_ Knowing you, it... it’s been the best part of my life.  And the things that... the things we’ve shared together, they have changed me.  You’re my family. I love you. I love all of you. _

Dean wishes he could say it back.

“I’ll see you after this is over, okay?” Dean assures him, a fake smile and false bravado on his face.  It’s an empty promise he knows he won’t be keeping, but he makes it anyway. He needs to make it, to do anything to maybe give Cas some small comfort.

“Take me with you,” Cas insists, his hand shooting out to grab a tight hold of Dean’s arm.  Dean’s heart aches because he wants to take Cas along so badly, and not just because Cas is good in a fight.  Dean may have accepted that Michael wouldn’t let him go, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t going to fight, and with Cas around, as well as Sam once he gets to him, he might stand a better chance of keeping control and casting him out.

Another memory comes to Dean, from another time when he wasn’t in control of his own actions.  

_ The Mark of Cain is a burning brand on his arm as his hands beat Cas to the ground, and Cas refusing to fight back, afraid to hurt him even as Dean kneels above him with an angle blade in hand, poised to kill. _

Cas could get killed by Michael while wearing Dean’s skin.

Dean can still see the haunted look in Sam’s eyes when Kevin is brought up, he knows what watching that did to his brother.  Watching himself kill Cas… he wouldn’t survive that.

“No!” he snaps harshly, suddenly.  He doesn’t miss the hurt and disappointment that crosses Cas’ face, no matter how fast Cas tries to hide it.  “I want you there but… I just can’t, Cas. Michael will need all his strength when we get to Lucifer.” 

“Your family needs you.”  Cas should be angry, betrayed, but all that’s in his eyes is worry, and it makes Dean’s chest ache.  

“That’s why I need you here, Cas.  Mom’s gonna need help, and when they get back so will Sam and Jack.”  Cas shakes his head, his eyes closing as his brow furrows.

“ _ I _ need  _ you,” _ Cas says urgently, his grip tightening on Dean’s bicep.  Dean’s heart gives a painful lurch and he pulls Cas into a hug with his free arm, breathing in the scent that was always uniquely  _ Cas _ , letting his fingers dig a little harder into the coat.  Cas lets go of Dean’s arm as his hands slip desperately around Dean’s torso, Dean’s other arm wrapping around his neck.  Cas’ fingers are tugging hard at the fabric of Dean’s jacket, and Dean knows neither one of them want to let go but a cough from Michael reminds him that time is running out.

“I know, Cas,” Dean breaths into his shoulder, the brush of the trenchcoat slightly painful against his chapped lips.  “I…” he pulls back, stubble brushing stubble as their cheeks drag together, resting his forehead against Cas’. “Me too,” he breathes.  Cas’ breath sticks in his throat, his hands dragging down Dean’s back as they pull away, catching hold of Dean’s wrist. 

“Please…come back.”  It’s the second time Dean sees tears in those blue eyes, only this time Cas isn’t dying, in a way it’s Dean this time.

“I will.”  The smile he gives Cas isn’t entirely forced this time.  “You came back from the empty for me, didn’t you? This should be a piece of cake.”  Cas nods and swallows, and Dean closes his eyes, turning his back to Cas and taking a deep breath.  Dean opens his eyes to look at Michael, who raises an eyebrow expectantly, even as blood drips down his chin.

“Dean Winchester, will you let me in?” he gasps.  

Dean feels his heart go from racing in his chest to a dead stop.  Cas is holding his breath.

“Yes.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated and loved <3


End file.
